Romantic texts to fucking on the first date,

Life is just bizarre sometimes isn't it? My life recently has resembled a snow globe; everything was calm and settled then it got shaken up and everything changed, rearranging my life into something i'm not used to.

In the last four weeks, I've fallen head over heels in love, had more sex than I thought humanly possible, started slacking in my new job, been scared of losing someone I only just met and stupidly, had to take the morning after pill. 

Now, my life has always been very straight and narrow. I keep myself to myself, don't dress too oddly and try and keep my head down, I've always been happy to just get along. Now, I hardly sleep, get in too late, travel around, look down on people, look up to people, get my nails done, do things I know I'll regret and things I never thought I'd get a chance to do. Basically, my life is a little bit crazy right now, thus the lack of posts.

Things are going well with 'gym boy'. All has been good so far but I'm a bit scared of him. He told me today he has an obsessive, 'complete arsehole' jealous side that I'm yet to see. I've always been the dickhead in relationships, the one who does the walking all over, the controlling one who gets their way. I'm not sure how I'm going to face up to it being reversed. It's strange because I don't feel the need to be obsessive over him; I just feel like him being there is enough and that we'll stay in love all the time we want to. Time will tell. 

We ended up sleeping together on our first proper day together. We kissed and kissed until our clothes ended up on the floor. I was shocked by how big he was, and truth be told, it is taking some serious getting used to. His touch is electrifying though, the second he touches me I'm ready for him. There is a crazy chemistry between us, maybe we really are in love.

someone pull me back down to earth, remind me i'm only human.

I bucked up the courage to talk to 'gym boy'. We've been texting none stop since Saturday morning; this is so surreal. He seems amazing: his smile knocks me off my feet, the cute things he says make me even more dazed. What does someone like this see in little old me? He told me he's been 'dying to speak to me' since I first smiled at him and I honestly think that was it: I've not touched the ground or stopped grinning since. 

On Saturday we're going to spend the evening together and I really hope it lives up to my expectations. As long as we laugh and smile together I think this could be the start of what I was hoping for. I want to experience our first kiss, I want to feel the way his heart beats and look at him with bright eyes in hope he'll kiss me again. 

I've never had this before - I've always dated people I know... People I've been friends with and grown to adore, this is so new to me. I like learning about him, discovering his favourite films and favourite foods. He's promised me a game of twenty questions on Saturday and i'm almost giddy to learn and laugh with him. I don't ever get this soppy. I am pessimistic about relationships: for some reason I have a feeling inside of me that suggests this might be worth throwing myself into.

Call me  a daydreamer , i'll be your believer. 

Well hello smiling stranger,

Sharing a smile with a stranger is therapeutic, almost causing a sudden rush of adrenaline as you wonder why they've caught your eye.

For the last three months I've exchanged sneaky glances and cheeky smiles with a young stranger who I refer to as 'gym boy'. My whole office are aware of what I like to call our 'relationship'. We bump into each other in the supermarket, walking across car parks and, unsurprisingly given his nickname, at the gym. He has deep black hair and I can't quite work out if his smile is flirtatious or just simply baffled as to why we seem to be following each other. It has got to a point now where I end up laughing when I see him. 

Whilst jogging next to one another a few days ago, without saying a word, I caught his eye and ended up giggling like a child. After wandering off to do some circuit training, he again came and stood next to me. Exchanging a quick glance he said 'hi'. The first words we've ever shared went a little like this. 'Hey, you seem to be following me' we both laughed and he stifled a 'it's the other way around isn't it?!' I laughed again and then rather than continuing the conversation, spun on my heel and walked away.

I'm almost certain it is against the unwritten 'gym law' to chat people up on a work out - I mean, why would anyone want to talk to me when I'm bright red, dripping with sweat following an intense cardio routine and lacking any kind of make up/tamed hair. It seems unlikely that he'd be attracted to me in that kind of state.

So when do I move forward with this? I start a new job on Monday and won't be bumping into him quite so frequently, if at all. Do I spark a conversation, if yes... What about? Jesus, what has happened to me, I've become shy and lack the ability to flirt effectively.... Hey baby, I like your muscles *insert creepy wink emoticon here*. Off I go to the gym again tonight... 

Thank you for your smile it will stay with me for a while.

Hi, you can call me contradiction.

So he came over, he looked adorable from the outset and introduced himself to my mum. We laid on my bed and he pressed himself against me, I settled my head on his arm and within a few minutes he kissed me - no messing around this time. His kisses were teasing but tasted so sweet, his big hands started to wander and as he peeled off my clothes I began to feel nervous: did I really want this? 

Disappearing between my thighs, he teased me until my entire body was shaking uncontrollably. He laughed as I battled to catch my breath. 'I can't go any further, I forgot to bring anything' he whispered, indicating sex. I shook my head, lying, 'I haven't got anything either'. I did, in the drawer next to us, I just didn't feel ready. We pleased each other over and over before laying naked in one another's arms. Half asleep on his chest I enjoyed his scent and hearing his comforting voice with my eyes closed. He was absorbed in the television and seemed happy to just hold me, calling me a kitten as I kissed his neck, desperate for more playful attention. 

I told him I didn't like being touched whilst I was asleep and his response still stings me now 'that surprises me, you seem kind of clingy'. ME? CLINGY? I don't think I've ever been described as that before - I'm all for a cuddle, all for kisses and not leaving each other alone but it stays in the bedroom. I even have a problem with holding hands in public, let along full PDA. This is where our problem lies. After four hours curled up in one another, he had to leave. With one quick parting kiss he darted into the pitch black road, only for me to not hear from him until the following evening.

Now, I'm kind of annoyed that he isn't eager or even just being playfully flirtatious with me. One moment I think I want a relationship, the next I just want someone to have all the fun with, excluding the commitment. I think I need a PA just to organise my mind, dictate what I really want and make all these vital decisions for me. I'll have to decide in the next few days what I want from him and somehow word it without sounding like a filthy slut. Can I just be his 'friend'? He doesn't seem like my kind of boyfriend, although he is perfect for sex, laughing and cuddling. A recipe for disaster again? Probably. 

Thinking with my sexual desires will lead to disaster.

Kissing Your Ex's Friends: Serendipity.

Serendipity is one of my favourite words, it was a fortunate accident that I dated Simon and he  broke my heart because I've met someone because of him. Whether he will play a large part in my future is currently unknown. I've always liked the idea of being in love and have only really experienced it once, everything else has been lust. I think after six months on my own, I'm ready to learn about someone new. I'm ready to take risks and reveal myself to someone, allow them to discover things about me that, right now, even I do not know. 

I'm ready to love & be loved in return: something I have never done before.

I'm really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, the fact you say you are too makes me almost giddy. After a drunken kiss a few weeks ago, you invited me to come over. We laid on the sofa, side by side under a beautiful bay window like nervous teenagers. We laughed hysterically over nothing much and watched aeroplanes outside like they were fireworks. Casually pressed against one another, I stroked your arm and you held my hands but it took us almost an hour to kiss. 

You gave me a blanket to keep me warm and our heads settled together on the pillow beneath us. As I laid silently by your side, you pulled yourself closer to me and kissed me. Quickly, our clothes ended up on the floor and we were absorbed in one another. When I told you I wasn't going to sleep with you, you just smiled and hugged me into your bare chest, kissing my forehead and the tip of my nose. You complimented me on the fun we'd had and moaned that I was too much of a tease when I pulled away from our kisses. 

We curled up together, your strong arms around me. With you, I felt safe and like we'd have fun together. Tomorrow, we'll lay on my bed and smile together, watching rubbish TV and no doubt laugh endlessly. I hope we'll kiss and have the chance to play some more. 

I hope this is the start of my future; I'm ready to meet someone special. 

Parents say the funniest things

Last night my dad was having an in-depth conversation with his mother on the phone. They were debating and arguing. I, being the nosy little cow that I am, couldn't help but have a listen to what he was saying. 'Mum, I'm telling you, Spag Bol its just you know... Spaghetti in a bowl.' A little bit flabbergasted and assuming he was joking I waited for him to hang up the phone. 

Five minutes later when he huffed the phone down I questioned what on earth he was talking about. 'Dad, what do you think spag bol is an abbreviation for?' 'Spaghetti in a bowl' he said, no hesitation, no attempt to be funny, just a genuine belief. I tried not to laugh, my mum walked in the room at just the right time. 'Mum, quick, ask dad what the abbreviation for spaghetti on a plate is', confused she did so. He looked really puzzled and just replied 'spag pla?' To which I was left in a fit of giggles whilst he tried to explain himself, leaving my mum crying with laughter also. I don't know how I've managed to gain a decent education and can actually speak with a 48 year old father who doesn't know what Spag Bol is. 

So there you have it, who'd have know? Spag Bol means spaghetti in a bowl.

Reasons I Like Him/Shouldn't Like Him

As time goes on, it is becoming more and more apparent that I tend to always like the wrong boys and like them for the completely wrong reasons, namely because I just want to be liked. I have this problem in every area of my life - I find it really hard to understand why people don't like me and will go out of my way to make sure that I win people over. Anyway, my main issue at the moment? I have a major crush on my longest term (ex) boyfriends, old best friend. They are still 'friends' but not the kind that spend lots of time together, the kind that will meet up in a blue moon and have a really good night out. I think this is one of the reasons I like him, to be honest.

I like his hands, I've always liked nice hands. He makes me laugh, I turned around when I was with him a few weeks ago and he'd tied my scarf around his head like a member of the Taliban. Amusing, to say the least. My filthy mind doesn't affect him - the world will soon realise I have a male sex drive trapped in my female body, he seems quite happy to contend with this. He is tall and picks me up when he cuddles me. He even looks cute when he lays around in his trackies. When he drinks tea he doesn't take sugar or milk, just a teabag dunked in the water for a few seconds. He has nice arms and even just a quick cuddle feels amazing. Eskimo kisses are second nature. Sigh, why do I do this to myself?

He changes his mind too often. He feels guilty about my ex/his friend, even though we broke up over two years ago and he's moved on. He blows hot and cold, this time he seems more keen than he ever has before. He is the kind of guy that girls like. He doesn't seem to have girlfriends. His best friend told me he likes being single and he hasn't really ever known him to have girlfriends. His best friend is all for us - even though I've ended up in bed with him. That's a problem in itself really, I've ended up, very secretly, in bed with his best friend. I fall for people too easily and put myself too much on the line. Sigh, sigh, sigh some more.

He is coming over on Friday night. 

We'll kiss in bed & see where this journey takes us <3